I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
