He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize