my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
