I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
