How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
