I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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