i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Barsexuality is the new black.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
