I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
