you have to choose: penises or morals?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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