I will die if light touches me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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