u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
