What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
