There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize