He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
