Where did you get a picture of my penis
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
