No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
40s are totally the cure
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
