I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
