an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
