I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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