yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
