There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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