i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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