just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
