WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
