Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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