remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
