Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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