If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
