just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize