Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
