First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
