Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
