So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
