Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
