what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
