So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize