I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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