I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
