her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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