So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
