i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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