he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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