Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
