So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
