We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
