Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
