yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
