There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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