i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i've created a new STD.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
