Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
