It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's great music for shaving your balls
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize