I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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