So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
