A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
