Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
