you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
