I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is Oprah even human
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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