ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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