Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
