Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize