I'm sorry my penis didn't work
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
