Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
