i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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