i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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