i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
