I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
