i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
