I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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