butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
