Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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(954): View more from Florida

I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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(516): View more from New York

I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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(217): View more from Illinois

While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.

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(209): View more from California

we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?

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(305): View more from Florida

So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?

(1-305): View more from Florida

Google chlamydia.

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