That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
